More evenings than not, I have lengthy video calls with my granddaughter, who will turn six later this month. The other night, she told me she wishes everyone could “just be good to each other.” My daughter told me that was her “Santa wish”, and she also expressed it again last night at bedtime.
Out of the mouths of babes.
Sometimes I tell her there are adults who maybe should go back to kindergarten and learn how to get along with others and manage their feelings better. She thinks that’s funny…but also true.
Her wish reminded me of some words I penned in the middle of the night recently, before falling back to sleep. I wrote them and then put them aside. Hearing my granddaughter’s wish prompted me to revisit and share them.
True Freedom
Whoever you are, you are
First and foremost to me
A soul being expressed
As a human being
Who loves and hurts
And hopes and grieves
Just like me.
I, too, have held some beliefs
So tightly that a position
Became my identity
And lifestyle choices
Became a checklist
By which I judged
And set myself apart
From others.
From that, I learned
It doesn’t feel good to be so rigid
In my beliefs, to push away
So many “unenlightened” others.
It causes suffering.
I, too, was for a time
On more than one occasion
Seduced by charisma and appearance.
I, too, clung to an idealized image
Of someone because it helped me
To feel better about myself.
I have both looked down on
And elevated others
To boost my self-esteem:
Pushed them away to affirm
I was unlike them
Or pulled them close and sought
Their approval and affection
To affirm my worthiness.
But eventually I realized
It felt better to set myself free
From all that nonsense
Than to perceive someone
As either a minor god or a monster
And sometimes both.
There have been times
When I held onto illusion
For far too long,
And therefore I cannot condemn
Anyone else for doing so.
My experience, though humbling,
Has grown my compassion.
May I not be content to make
Anyone into a concept such as
Narcissist, corrupt politician,
Or simply other
And fail to see them
As a multifaceted being,
Just like me.
May I not hold any label
As a destination
But rather as evidence
That there is more
To learn and understand.
And at the same time, may I
Implement healthy boundaries:
See their light and take no shit.
May I feed the Good Wolf
In myself and others.
Hurt people hurt people.
And I, too, have hurt people.
I have betrayed myself
By using someone else
As a self-worthiness project
And know how bad it feels
To make self-betrayal into a habit
And a prison
To which we ourselves hold the key.
What great relief it has been
To stop projecting
My stuff onto others
And to set myself free.
It wasn’t easy, but it was
Worth it every time
To step out of the story,
Let the spell wear off
And relate to actual people
Rather than ideas or ideals
Even when someone
Really hurt me.
Choosing to see more clearly
Even when it makes our ideas wrong
Or somehow less right
Doesn’t make us weak,
Is not failure.
To stop regarding
Our beliefs as Truth
Sets us free.
True freedom is unmasking
In a much deeper way:
Being seen and valued
Exactly as we are
And accepting ourselves
As such.
True freedom is refusing
To allow our heart
To be held hostage by ego
And not taking our differences
So damn seriously
That we depend on
A bad or unenlightened Other
To validate by contrast
Our own goodness.
© 2022 Susan Meyer. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share this post or excerpts of it as long as you give proper credit to Susan Meyer and SusanTaraMeyer.com. Susan Meyer is a photographer, writer, and spiritual teacher who lives on the Hudson River in Upstate New York.